What am i afraid the most is not being rejected, what i'm afraid the most is that we can't get back to where we were before..The closer i get to you the more hesitate i'm..i have seen so many cases like this before..the price is too big to lose..
i'm such a blockhead when it comes to relationship..
i am still confused whether this is called love?because i never experience it before..
Or this is just misleading feeling since i only got few female friends..hence, when the strong feeling comes, i misunderstood it as a love instead of friendship..
this is really my concern..
I'm a kind of person who would like to make everything clear first before i take my action..Hence, sometimes i let the opportunity slip pass..
You may think i'm wishy washy, my answer is yes i'm..
she like to talk and ask a lot of question..
she keep asking who the person i love?why i haven't fall in love?
how could i answer it?when i'm in such confused state, this kind of question comes..i didn't plan to tell her because like what i told her, i really need to thoroughly understand my feeling first..i used to have that feeling, but it was gone for sometimes, but it is back again..but it is a bit different this time..i couldn't explain in details..i just feel it..
but eventually, through lots of questioning, i told her..
i think she was shocked..i think i have scared her..
then she said" what makes you think i will like you" i really dunno how to answer..
i just wanted to tell her something which i couldn't tell, which is i know i may not an ideal or good or ur dream guy, but at least let me protect and taking care of you for the time being until u met the right one..but this word will never come out of my mouth..
when she made everything clear, i feel relief and with no much sadness..perhaps, the friendship outweighed the so called "love" feeling i have towards her..
no matter what happend my instinct alway tell me, protect her..
..
we went out again together with my other friends..something i'm afraid the most happened..it is not that so obvious but i could sense it, something different..it is no longer like what we were before..something amiss..in some ways, i feel that she keep avoiding me although she may not notice that herself..
for example, she become seldom talk to me but talk to the other, keeping distant with me for example she tend to walk beside my other friend when making conversation, tried to make group conversation when talking with me, didn't hit and bully me that often..i dunno whether she realised it or not..
there is an incident when she talk to us and my friend walk away where i'm standing beside her, then when she turn around while talking to us, when she realised that i'm the only one standing there,then she turned away and facing my friends, although it is just a brief moment, but i could sense it..
i believe she may not realised it herself..
kinda sad actually..perhaps, this is what i'm most afraid of..
I just wanted to let her know this, but i know she probably will say that i think too much or too sensitive..well, so i could only hope that it is just for a short period of time..
Well, i feel much better now to vent it out here...
i'm not good at expressing my feeling, my thought verbally but i hope i could express it better in written context..:)